Day 413....

Today, February 17, 2014, Monday marks 413 days since I began to look for work. Every day past 400 makes me cringe. I am so stressed out at this point that I am not sleeping well. Its all I think about. Before I go to bed and when I get up. Just now I was thinking how depressing it was the weekend was over and I have nothing to look forward to.

Yesterday my sister went to work at her two jobs. She lost sleep of course to work early. Going from one job to the next before coming home. Tonight she remarked to me she has “no days off anytime soon” and my envy just was there.

I have ADD so I need stuff to do. But with nothing to do with no jobs with nothing I don’t do anything. You’d think with countless hours at home I would be doing something else. Am I? No I am not. It is how it has always been. I do try to keep busy working out, reading books. But I usually go to bed at 5am and get up at 3pm. And that is how my day goes. Even with a guitar class on Saturdays forcing me to practice nearly daily as can. And going to a church group sometimes twice a month. And sometimes church on Sundays its not enough. I need a job.

I thought February would be my month. I thought this month for sure I would get a job. But as much as I apply I get no replys back. I am at the point now where I don’t know where to apply. All my regular spots aren’t hiring. I am still hoping LL will have a heart and take me back or just give me that first set of interviews. B&N continues to reject or ignore me. I just applied to Home Depot the test on there were so insane I will be lucky if they call. I applied to Good Will but the only one to call me back is a good 40 min away and I only applied to the one by my house.

Friday is a job fair for this health store. It’s a new store far as I can tell. I will do my best even if I lose all my sleep and go down there. My last two job fairs turned out crappy. I didn’t get anywhere with Vons after the lady was upset I couldn’t work Saturday mornings even if it was literally the only time I couldn’t. And GoodWill is beyond confusing I have no idea why they didn’t want me. Probably as it sounded like in the interview holding it against me for not having worked in over a year and all my past few jobs were seasonal my last non-seasonal was Borders nearly 4 years ago. Like its my fault.

I cry a lot and I know that’s a sign of depression. Which comes with ADD and such. But I cant really get help for that. So I cry a lot. And I feel a lot like God will never answer my prayers nightly. I feel unwanted and I feel like I wont ever get a job.

Its nice to know I have March taken care of. But the moment April hits I will be in trouble I will be out of money. Not just regular money. April promises to be extra troublesome. My dog will need her dog license renewed and her shots updated. There are some other things there too. Plus two school loans to put off because I haven’t gotten a job yet. One I was supposed to be paying interest on which I haven’t because silly me I thought I’d have a job by now.

The government frustrates me. Had they given me back my extension with my tax money I would have been okay till mid-May. Now I am stuck in this void of not knowing what is going on.

A month since my interview tomorrow I call back one of the Petsmarts that I was told to check back in a few weeks things might have changed. The manager really liked me. I am unsure if he will remember me even if we had a connection. I do not know if he will be there or what will happen.

My sister will work her job(s) and I will sleep in. Workout. And try with all my might not to cry too much or think too much about the fact I still do not have a job. And February is over half over now. God please I need a job now.