Day 444...

Today March 20th 2014 marks day 444 that I have been looking for a job. And its not going so well. March really sucks! I declare it sucks and its really almost over with.

Last night during prayer I lost it. I couldn’t stop crying. I am tired of trying to be okay with thinking God has decided to never answer my request (and anyone else who might pray for me) to get a job. I thought when I got my tax return so I could make it through March okay that by April I would have something. Well news flash April is coming FAST. We are on day 20 that means in 11 days I will be in April and I am nowhere near a job then I was in February.

I would like to take this moment to swear but not swear WTH is going on??

I had two job interviews this week but I don’t feel comfortable with something on each of them. But I would do the job if that was the job I was supposed to have. I don’t feel much promise in either of them sadly. But I was hoping I would feel something. I am not complaining and again if this means a 2nd interview and a job I will take it. I like both places enough but still am very unsure about them. I will probably write more about them once I know for sure either way maybe next week in my interview blog.

I am just in this frustrated spot and I don’t know what to do. LL continues to fail me. In so many ways. Its been two weeks TWO WEEKS this Saturday since I did that open house thing. Now again I know it wasn’t a job interview it wasn’t a job fair etc. But the fact they took down my NAME told me they would PULL MY APPLICATION and still haven’t is just wrong. I haven’t heard squat from them. In fact if I hear from them its because I called them.

Today again I am hitting my head against the wall I just don’t know what to do. I had all this hope this lady whom I talked to last year that helped me out sorta would be able to get me answers. If finally got a hold of her. Hurray! It was an off chance thing they were about to close I had overslept my nap and literally called 5 min before they closed. I have tried her several days now several times so doing this one time paid off.

Except she did not give me any answers I needed she gave me very little. She cant give me the extension either of the lady in charge. Why has HR become so impersonal? All I got was the email address of the person in charge. She cant help me anymore she doesn’t do that she cant even tell me if they are hiring anymore. Why cant I just talk to the lady who doesn’t like me? Its just not right!

Now I have to email her. But she wont be in tomorrow. And if she doesn’t reply to that (I doubt she will) I can call again. I know I wont talk to her because they wont let me. Shes not the president of the USA she is just a lady in charge. Last year I was able to call her. This is just not right and not cool they wont even give my friend who works there the extension.

I just know I don’t know what I am going to do. I cant help worrying now about April. So much more on the line this time then February. I am unsure if my sister can help me again. I need more money this time. So much going on in April and I cant do anything about this at all. God where are you??

If you pray please do. Maybe God will hear your prayers. Because at this point I cant help but wondering if He will ever hear mine…

Day 437...

Day 437 March 13, 2014, that I have been looking for a job. Its been a long week or so since I last wrote. I still look for work all the time. I honestly if I am not looking I am thinking about this daily. Its always on my mind. Sometimes I worry it will consume me. The worry of not finding a job, the stress in looking and the depression in all of this. The future seems so bleak more recently.

Like a ticking clock I hear the dates ticking down. Today being the 13th which means there are just 18 days left this month. Just 18 days to get a job. At this point finding one and making enough money to be okay in April will be a miracle especially since I apply a lot and few call me.

Last weekend I did this open house at LL I honestly knew it was not a job fair I wouldn’t talk to a manager but I would be able to and did talk to the leads some of them from attractions. I would like a chance to interview for attractions. I would like a chance to do so. So here I was on a Saturday my sister worked and for an hour or so I was in the park with 3 other ladies (we were divided up there was a lot of us) finding out information about working in attractions and we rode a ride.

After we were on our way back and the lady who did not like me last year in HR. Well she was there again I had seen her earlier she had come to talk to our group for a second. Well she took over for the nice lady who had been giving us the tour what not. She took us to HR telling us we could come to the interviews on Monday. We hadn’t heard anything about this till now (two of the girls both still in high school hadn’t even applied). Well turns out the interviews were full.

So we all wrote down our names and the lady seemed to recognize me from talking to me on the phone (I’m still unsure at this point if she recognized me from last year) and she said she would pull our applications she made it sound like for interviews this week.

Well no one cancelled on Monday. I waited two full days to even try to contact them hoping she would actually pull my app and contact me. I am unsure with my bad app if she was going to. But today (Wednesday) I called. Instead of the extension I had working it wouldn’t let me. Instead of talking to her I talked to the lady up front. For reason I do not understand she wouldn’t let me talk to the lady. She had to take a message down to “forward” to her. She took my number and message. I waited around till they closed clear she wouldn’t get back to me.

I was so upset that this all went down I cried a lot. I couldn’t stop I was crying and then I’d start again hours later. I was seriously upset about this. I just wanted answers. WHY couldn’t she let me talk to the lady. It doesn’t make sense they NEVER do that.

So now I have no idea what to do. I guess I will only be calling her back again on Friday if she doesn’t contact me tomorrow or by time I get up. And if she still wont get back to me I will be talking to the lady I tried to get help from last year.

I’d like to plead my case. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. I haven’t worked for the park for nearly 1.5 years. Way more than enough time to be *punished* for doing nothing wrong.

I am glad to say I have an interview at another Petsmart on Monday for a bather in the grooming area. I applied on Monday night and they called me come Tuesday barely 12 hours after I applied. So I am glad for that as I haven’t had a *real* interview since January. Truly harsh.

Will be checking back with some jobs tomorrow in the meantime and keep applying. I wont give up but sometimes I wish I could. I am so tired of looking for a job. Its just not fair to have to keep looking. Praying they will pass the extension for unemployment after all I really need that money. My money runs out in April and unsure what I will do if it does :(

Day 426

Sunday, March 2nd 2014 marks 426 days since I started looking for a job.

March don’t be mean don’t be evil. February was pure evil. I got two interviews and it was because I went to a job fairs. Not one person called for me to come in for an actual interview.

I had a major fit last night crying so hard I couldn’t see. I know that no sleep mixes badly and I spend part of it thinking God has forgotten me and doesn’t hear my prayers. Depression is easily brought about by too little sleep. Either way I couldn’t stop crying and finally calmed down. But still I don’t know what is going on.

I need a job in 29 days. Or I will be in more trouble than last month. I thought that my tax money was good enough to get me through rest of February and March and God would bless me with a job. So far what is going on? I am frustrated and stressed and depressed.

I did apply for a job yesterday with another B&N. I don’t know why I give them my time at all. I swear my former manager who held some horrible grudge over me since knowing what she did last year is keeping me from ever being called again. By ANY store. I cant explain why else none call me back.

Tomorrow, Monday I call back Petsmart. The same one I went to in January the manager loved me but couldn’t take me on. I called two weeks ago and was told in two weeks he should be back. I will call tomorrow to check. I guess it cant hurt to check back exactly two weeks. Hope he is back or wait.

God please I need a job. I am beyond the point of needing one. This is just so wrong. That I lost out of on so many key times for jobs: Spring, Summer and Winter. And now again heading back towards Spring with no leads at all. Please keep me in prayers. I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I am losing my mind.