Day 456...this is it!

Time has frozen on Day 456 of me not having a job. The date: April `1st 2014. Once thought to be that of jokes. Well the joke was on me. God has a sense of humor.

I just thought I should come say if you have been reading my blog of my heart ache of not having a job dear readers. I have found a job. God allowed me to be hired same day nearly on the spot (which never happens anymore for me). And it was on the day once people played jokes on.

I returned some books today on finding a job. Mind you I will continue to pursue a job in my career field. I am not giving up on that of course not. But on just finding a job to get me from point a to point b I will for now retire. And join the working world again once more.

I will be working at a Babies R Us and I couldn’t be more happy. I know its not Legoland or Barnes & Noble my favorite places that I worked so hard to work for but could never get back on with. Maybe someday LL will change their mind and I will have two jobs or who knows. The last time I worked a kids clothing store it was for a month and when LL took me on I went to them only. Who knows.

I just know I have paperwork to do. And two shifts next week to get me into the groove. And clothes to buy (shirt and shoes I have the pants). I have a job. I have a job. I have a job. And it doesn’t seem real still. But I do have a job.

Thanks for prayers if you sent any up. God was working all along. My trust I hope will not faultier again as much as it has this past 1 year 4 months…

Day 444...

Today March 20th 2014 marks day 444 that I have been looking for a job. And its not going so well. March really sucks! I declare it sucks and its really almost over with.

Last night during prayer I lost it. I couldn’t stop crying. I am tired of trying to be okay with thinking God has decided to never answer my request (and anyone else who might pray for me) to get a job. I thought when I got my tax return so I could make it through March okay that by April I would have something. Well news flash April is coming FAST. We are on day 20 that means in 11 days I will be in April and I am nowhere near a job then I was in February.

I would like to take this moment to swear but not swear WTH is going on??

I had two job interviews this week but I don’t feel comfortable with something on each of them. But I would do the job if that was the job I was supposed to have. I don’t feel much promise in either of them sadly. But I was hoping I would feel something. I am not complaining and again if this means a 2nd interview and a job I will take it. I like both places enough but still am very unsure about them. I will probably write more about them once I know for sure either way maybe next week in my interview blog.

I am just in this frustrated spot and I don’t know what to do. LL continues to fail me. In so many ways. Its been two weeks TWO WEEKS this Saturday since I did that open house thing. Now again I know it wasn’t a job interview it wasn’t a job fair etc. But the fact they took down my NAME told me they would PULL MY APPLICATION and still haven’t is just wrong. I haven’t heard squat from them. In fact if I hear from them its because I called them.

Today again I am hitting my head against the wall I just don’t know what to do. I had all this hope this lady whom I talked to last year that helped me out sorta would be able to get me answers. If finally got a hold of her. Hurray! It was an off chance thing they were about to close I had overslept my nap and literally called 5 min before they closed. I have tried her several days now several times so doing this one time paid off.

Except she did not give me any answers I needed she gave me very little. She cant give me the extension either of the lady in charge. Why has HR become so impersonal? All I got was the email address of the person in charge. She cant help me anymore she doesn’t do that she cant even tell me if they are hiring anymore. Why cant I just talk to the lady who doesn’t like me? Its just not right!

Now I have to email her. But she wont be in tomorrow. And if she doesn’t reply to that (I doubt she will) I can call again. I know I wont talk to her because they wont let me. Shes not the president of the USA she is just a lady in charge. Last year I was able to call her. This is just not right and not cool they wont even give my friend who works there the extension.

I just know I don’t know what I am going to do. I cant help worrying now about April. So much more on the line this time then February. I am unsure if my sister can help me again. I need more money this time. So much going on in April and I cant do anything about this at all. God where are you??

If you pray please do. Maybe God will hear your prayers. Because at this point I cant help but wondering if He will ever hear mine…

Day 437...

Day 437 March 13, 2014, that I have been looking for a job. Its been a long week or so since I last wrote. I still look for work all the time. I honestly if I am not looking I am thinking about this daily. Its always on my mind. Sometimes I worry it will consume me. The worry of not finding a job, the stress in looking and the depression in all of this. The future seems so bleak more recently.

Like a ticking clock I hear the dates ticking down. Today being the 13th which means there are just 18 days left this month. Just 18 days to get a job. At this point finding one and making enough money to be okay in April will be a miracle especially since I apply a lot and few call me.

Last weekend I did this open house at LL I honestly knew it was not a job fair I wouldn’t talk to a manager but I would be able to and did talk to the leads some of them from attractions. I would like a chance to interview for attractions. I would like a chance to do so. So here I was on a Saturday my sister worked and for an hour or so I was in the park with 3 other ladies (we were divided up there was a lot of us) finding out information about working in attractions and we rode a ride.

After we were on our way back and the lady who did not like me last year in HR. Well she was there again I had seen her earlier she had come to talk to our group for a second. Well she took over for the nice lady who had been giving us the tour what not. She took us to HR telling us we could come to the interviews on Monday. We hadn’t heard anything about this till now (two of the girls both still in high school hadn’t even applied). Well turns out the interviews were full.

So we all wrote down our names and the lady seemed to recognize me from talking to me on the phone (I’m still unsure at this point if she recognized me from last year) and she said she would pull our applications she made it sound like for interviews this week.

Well no one cancelled on Monday. I waited two full days to even try to contact them hoping she would actually pull my app and contact me. I am unsure with my bad app if she was going to. But today (Wednesday) I called. Instead of the extension I had working it wouldn’t let me. Instead of talking to her I talked to the lady up front. For reason I do not understand she wouldn’t let me talk to the lady. She had to take a message down to “forward” to her. She took my number and message. I waited around till they closed clear she wouldn’t get back to me.

I was so upset that this all went down I cried a lot. I couldn’t stop I was crying and then I’d start again hours later. I was seriously upset about this. I just wanted answers. WHY couldn’t she let me talk to the lady. It doesn’t make sense they NEVER do that.

So now I have no idea what to do. I guess I will only be calling her back again on Friday if she doesn’t contact me tomorrow or by time I get up. And if she still wont get back to me I will be talking to the lady I tried to get help from last year.

I’d like to plead my case. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. I haven’t worked for the park for nearly 1.5 years. Way more than enough time to be *punished* for doing nothing wrong.

I am glad to say I have an interview at another Petsmart on Monday for a bather in the grooming area. I applied on Monday night and they called me come Tuesday barely 12 hours after I applied. So I am glad for that as I haven’t had a *real* interview since January. Truly harsh.

Will be checking back with some jobs tomorrow in the meantime and keep applying. I wont give up but sometimes I wish I could. I am so tired of looking for a job. Its just not fair to have to keep looking. Praying they will pass the extension for unemployment after all I really need that money. My money runs out in April and unsure what I will do if it does :(

Day 426

Sunday, March 2nd 2014 marks 426 days since I started looking for a job.

March don’t be mean don’t be evil. February was pure evil. I got two interviews and it was because I went to a job fairs. Not one person called for me to come in for an actual interview.

I had a major fit last night crying so hard I couldn’t see. I know that no sleep mixes badly and I spend part of it thinking God has forgotten me and doesn’t hear my prayers. Depression is easily brought about by too little sleep. Either way I couldn’t stop crying and finally calmed down. But still I don’t know what is going on.

I need a job in 29 days. Or I will be in more trouble than last month. I thought that my tax money was good enough to get me through rest of February and March and God would bless me with a job. So far what is going on? I am frustrated and stressed and depressed.

I did apply for a job yesterday with another B&N. I don’t know why I give them my time at all. I swear my former manager who held some horrible grudge over me since knowing what she did last year is keeping me from ever being called again. By ANY store. I cant explain why else none call me back.

Tomorrow, Monday I call back Petsmart. The same one I went to in January the manager loved me but couldn’t take me on. I called two weeks ago and was told in two weeks he should be back. I will call tomorrow to check. I guess it cant hurt to check back exactly two weeks. Hope he is back or wait.

God please I need a job. I am beyond the point of needing one. This is just so wrong. That I lost out of on so many key times for jobs: Spring, Summer and Winter. And now again heading back towards Spring with no leads at all. Please keep me in prayers. I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I am losing my mind.

Day 423

Today, Thursday, February 27, 2014 marks Day 423 of me looking for a job. Its not been the best week truly hasn’t. I admit that to be true.

I cried a lot few times this week. It was not fun. Sometimes I find its just best to cry. Not look in the mirror and try to get my mind off the issue at hand. But other times I wonder what can I do but not cry cause frankly life sucks for me right now.

My usual prayers of begging are now to God “you know my situation” I am tired of begging I am past that. I spent a good year plus begging. Now I just want a job and I am tired of waiting for it. And running out of time. Tomorrow marks the last day of February. I promise I thought I would have a job by now. I am still in shock I don’t have one. God why?

Monday I tried to be productive. I managed to apply to a job for Fresh n Easy near us not right by us but close by. I also applied to DD Discount’s the new store opens March 1st. I am unsure if they are even hiring still for it since its so close. But shall see nothing yet.

Tuesday I called jobs I had applied with and got pretty much nowhere. I left a voice mail for one home depot guy, one home depot she told me corporate would call me, and two told me the people who normally I would talk to only work morning till early afternoon a good hour before I called they had left for the day. I have yet to call them back because I am not up that early and by time I get up they are probably gone. Old Navy took my name down. I would like to be hopeful about that one but since its been 3 days I doubt anything will come from any of these. Oh and last is Legoland. They lady took my name down which I didn’t want her to do but she did and made me wait only to say they are still “reviewing applications” which means nothing to me actually and was not of help.

I have not been online since Monday night. Mostly using my laptop to charge my ipod since my wall charger died and new one hasn’t come yet. I will try again later today unsure where to apply but trying to not give up.

B&N rejected me again but as always by email I have no idea which one did this. I have not seen any hiring in the past few weeks.

My greatest hope lies in Petsmart. The manager who loved me in Jan and was gone still this month should be back Monday. I am debating currently if I should call Mon or give him till like Wed. I am unsure if he will be back I heard he would be but wont know for sure till I call. March is just around the corner.

This was the time of year last year I began to try for malls again. At this point with low funds I am unsure how much I can do. I am still mad I lost my ue and they gave up on getting the extensions renewed. God knows why I don’t. I think its unfair what is happening to us who cant get a job. I need a job. Please?

Day 420...

Today is nearly Day 420 aka Monday, February 24th 2014. I took two days off Saturday & Sunday from any job stuff. I haven’t looked for work all weekend. But still I am still thinking about not working.

Just last night on very little sleep for two days straight I got all teary eyed and started to cry. I just couldn’t believe how close to February being over it is with me no job. I don’t think you get how positive I was I would have a job this month. Now I am looking at just 4 days left in this month. And I am NO closer to having a job now than I was at the end of January! That is just NOT COOL!

I’ve gotten to the point I am tired of begging God for a job. I mean come on. God knows I need a job. Why do I beg Him every night like this? And yet I do. Its on my mind all the time. Every day I don’t work is every day I get closer to forgetting what it is like.

For example. Legoland continues to mock me. As in they don’t reject me don’t email/call me. I have plenty of jobs I have applied with in the past few weeks not just LL. I applied to Homedepot, Old Navy, Target, Walmart. Tomorrow I plan to call back Old Navy, LL, and Homedepot. I got rejected by Target they aren’t hiring right now. I am unsure about Walmart. I was trying to be hopeful. Especially after last weeks goodness a week ago rejection from Petsmart once more.

The worst part about this is not knowing where to apply anymore. I really just don’t know where to apply. I keep applying when I can but still where do I apply? Its frustrating beyond a shadow of a doubt. I am going to apply to Dollar Tree I noticed they hiring Friday when I went to this job fair (more below). But still where else? So not doing anything for two days has been nice. Because honestly what else do I have to do with applying? SIGH.

To be brief as I just posted this in my job interview blog. On Friday I went to this job fair for this place called “Frazier Farms Market” it’s a health food store similar to our local Sprouts. I went down there at 10:40am it started at 9 till 3pm. It was going on Saturday too. It was tiring standing in this line in the bright hot sun for over an hour. Just to finally get up there sun tired and maybe burnt. To have them tell me they wont be opening till June yes JUNE and calling back till May. I need a job by April or sooner. Heck I needed a job in January. So I have no idea what will happen. With a chance for full time and benefits I really wanted this to work. Plus its only about 10 mint from home. Ugh.

That’s how my week is going. I am worren out from lack of sleep Friday and than lack of sleep on Saturday too. I just want to sleep forever. Tomorrow I might just. Not having a job looking is sometimes as tiring as working.

I miss working. I miss it every day every minute every second. I try to not miss it. I try to just enjoy the little things like watching tv, sleeping in, working out and reading books. But its just not easy. And 420 days of this is enough to drive a person insane. God please say I will have a job soon.

Till next day I feel like this…

Day 414....

It is Tuesday, February 18, 2014. And day 414 of not having a job.

Not a good day all around. First of all I called both Petsmarts back as promised. The first one made the second feel not so bad. The second was the promised new store. I had such promise when I began to try this job last year almost a year ago. I still am not going to be working there. A few weeks ago I was told they “might be hiring again in a few weeks” but guess that person even if a manager was wrong. OR they were right and already finished.

What makes me mad is the manager who interviewed me back in December made it seem SO promising they would hire after the store opened. But this was the second time I tried. Back in January I tried and they didn’t know and by the time I applied they had stopped. I got this answer a week or so later after my fail with the other PM. I truly think the manager who told this to me hoped I wouldn’t keep trying back for a job. Because they could call me again I can see my app is okay or I wouldn’t have gotten called in January for the other PM I was worried about. So then its just this store and its making me mad. And sad too. I really wanted a job there. Its just unfair why I cant get a job with a new store I would shop at that would be SO close to home!

A month ago I applied for and got an interview at the Petsmart about 25 min from home near where I used to work. Thing is the manager liked me I mean he REALLY liked me the connection we had. I was almost positive he would hire me on. A week and a half later he tells me he couldn’t take me because they were too slow and he could only take 1 or 2 not 3 or 4. I still wonder why I couldn’t have been the 1 or 2 and not the 3 or 4. So we didn’t connect that much. Still he gave me hope. “Check back in a few weeks things might change.”

Well I checked back today. Yes they are hiring again. But the manager I connected with the head of the store isn’t there. He is in Arizona training and wont be back for another two weeks. According to the gal who answered who is also a manager he has been gone a long time. She said they wont be doing any hiring till he gets back. And they miss him.

So that means I cant do anything with this one either. Two weeks is March. I need a job by April my life is a total joke. I feel like my prayers are going on deaf ears and that doesn’t make me happy at all. It makes me cry as I am now.

My sister tells me that the lovely LL is now taking on new people. Yes I know they haven’t rejected me from the countless at least 10 jobs I applied to in the past few weeks but they haven’t contacted me either. It is NOT looking good. I am just hoping as a re-hire they think of me next and contact me soon. This is just so wrong. I didn’t do ANYTHING so wrong to deserve being punished this long by not taking me back. By time they get around to it will be have been nearly 2 years since I last began to work there again. COME ON!

Tomorrow I contact the Old Navy at the mall. I’m not too hopeful about this job. They opened without posting jobs. And only moved the store to the mall. I will be shocked at this point if they even interview me. I know Old Navy is more fashion like than last time I tried with them but still I love shopping there when I can.

Nothing still from Home Depot either no calls or emails for phone interviews. I’m feeling pretty hopeless all around. Not a good thing at all. God please I need a job I need one now. Please sigh.

Day 413....

Today, February 17, 2014, Monday marks 413 days since I began to look for work. Every day past 400 makes me cringe. I am so stressed out at this point that I am not sleeping well. Its all I think about. Before I go to bed and when I get up. Just now I was thinking how depressing it was the weekend was over and I have nothing to look forward to.

Yesterday my sister went to work at her two jobs. She lost sleep of course to work early. Going from one job to the next before coming home. Tonight she remarked to me she has “no days off anytime soon” and my envy just was there.

I have ADD so I need stuff to do. But with nothing to do with no jobs with nothing I don’t do anything. You’d think with countless hours at home I would be doing something else. Am I? No I am not. It is how it has always been. I do try to keep busy working out, reading books. But I usually go to bed at 5am and get up at 3pm. And that is how my day goes. Even with a guitar class on Saturdays forcing me to practice nearly daily as can. And going to a church group sometimes twice a month. And sometimes church on Sundays its not enough. I need a job.

I thought February would be my month. I thought this month for sure I would get a job. But as much as I apply I get no replys back. I am at the point now where I don’t know where to apply. All my regular spots aren’t hiring. I am still hoping LL will have a heart and take me back or just give me that first set of interviews. B&N continues to reject or ignore me. I just applied to Home Depot the test on there were so insane I will be lucky if they call. I applied to Good Will but the only one to call me back is a good 40 min away and I only applied to the one by my house.

Friday is a job fair for this health store. It’s a new store far as I can tell. I will do my best even if I lose all my sleep and go down there. My last two job fairs turned out crappy. I didn’t get anywhere with Vons after the lady was upset I couldn’t work Saturday mornings even if it was literally the only time I couldn’t. And GoodWill is beyond confusing I have no idea why they didn’t want me. Probably as it sounded like in the interview holding it against me for not having worked in over a year and all my past few jobs were seasonal my last non-seasonal was Borders nearly 4 years ago. Like its my fault.

I cry a lot and I know that’s a sign of depression. Which comes with ADD and such. But I cant really get help for that. So I cry a lot. And I feel a lot like God will never answer my prayers nightly. I feel unwanted and I feel like I wont ever get a job.

Its nice to know I have March taken care of. But the moment April hits I will be in trouble I will be out of money. Not just regular money. April promises to be extra troublesome. My dog will need her dog license renewed and her shots updated. There are some other things there too. Plus two school loans to put off because I haven’t gotten a job yet. One I was supposed to be paying interest on which I haven’t because silly me I thought I’d have a job by now.

The government frustrates me. Had they given me back my extension with my tax money I would have been okay till mid-May. Now I am stuck in this void of not knowing what is going on.

A month since my interview tomorrow I call back one of the Petsmarts that I was told to check back in a few weeks things might have changed. The manager really liked me. I am unsure if he will remember me even if we had a connection. I do not know if he will be there or what will happen.

My sister will work her job(s) and I will sleep in. Workout. And try with all my might not to cry too much or think too much about the fact I still do not have a job. And February is over half over now. God please I need a job now.